


champagne from a paper cup

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-07
Updated: 2012-06-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 07:43:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 40
Words: 12,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12406041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: and moments in time are all they are, but together they tell us the story of how a boy and girl came to fall in love. drabbles.





	1. secrets that cannot be told

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

_He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus, but he talks like a gentleman._

_When you were young._

 

He was really quite charming when he wanted to be. She knew she could have really liked him. He was exactly the kind of boy she could have easily fallen for, if she let herself.

Every girl loves a bad boy, and he was the embodiment of everything a potential boyfriend was not meant to be; rebellious, arrogant, cocky & irresponsible. Not to mention his enormous ego and his inability to commit to anything serious for any longer than five minutes.

No, James Potter was definitely not boyfriend material, and that is why she would not let herself fall for him.

____________

**A/N: this is going to be a series of short drabbles that will hopefully build to something bigger. R &R!  
**


	2. nobody move, nobody gets hurt

 

_I turn my camera on & cut my fingers on the way._

_It hit me like a tonne_

 

Up until a certain point she had only known him as the annoying git in class who, along with his ginormous ego and trouble making cronie of a best friend Sirius Black thought they were too cool for school. Annoying as they were, they were rebels without a cause and Lily couldn’t help but feel the tug at the corners of her lips whenever they made things a little more difficult for McGonagall than they had to be.

It wasn’t until what would have been a somewhat long winded story involving dancing snowmen and skiing in frog costumes down the Swiss Alps over Christmas break did James Potter somehow manage to befriend Alice Prewett and in doing so had returned to school in the new semester her new bosom buddy. 

And that was how Lily had first met him. _Really met him_.

____________________

**I know these chapters have been somewhat short, but bear with me! I'll also try to get some prose happening soon...**

**Feedback would be lovely!**


	3. baby, talk is cheap

_I know one day, it's gonna happen_

_You're gonna be, swept off your feet_

 

It all began with one note.

 

Lily had been zoning in and out of consciousness for the greater part of their Ancient Runes lessons when something hit her smack bang on the ear before landing softly on her desk. Unraveling the small ball, she read the crumpled piece of parchment

 

_Nice day, Evans. I’m bored. The weather witch said it would rain all weekend. Boo :(_

_Stop dozing off & do some work!_

_-JP_

 

She hastily scribbled a note before tossing it back to the original messenger

 

_Stop being such a baby! FYI the chances of rain are low._

_I can doze off whenever I’d like thanks very much :P_

_-L_

 

Two months later, she now had 293 pieces of parchment in her possession filled with meaningless drabbles and banter. She’d never tell anyone, but on the days he didn’t write to her, she’d miss him.

__________

**I like to think Lily was not as perfect as everyone seems to think. She's only human afterall...  
Review please?**


	4. new slang

_And I wonder_

_If everything could ever feel this real forever_

_If anything could ever be this good again_

 

James Potter had always known who Lily Evans was.

 

They had classes together and he knew that she was terribly mediocre at Transfiguration but phenomenal at Charms and Potions. He knew through the odd mutual friend that she had dated Russell Fisher at the beginning of their fifth year, but aside from that, the only other things he knew about her were things he had heard through the grapevine.

 

In all honesty, he had been pleasantly surprised at how well this had all turned out. He had always expected the standard spoilt princess behaivour from her to go alongside all the cashmere and silk she wore, the last thing James had ever expected was for her to be so witty and alike to him.

 

Laughter filled the air as Lily finished her retort to Peter’s dirty joke.

 

Leaning in, James whispered in her ear “You really are very in tune with the male mind, aren’t you?” gasping she turned to face “Potter, I don’t even know whether to take that as a compliment of an insult!”

Without pausing he stated matter-of-factly “It’s a compliment”

“In which case, I thank you Mr Potter, for your _kind_ words” she sighed exasperatedly as she rolled her eyes.

“So you should. I am a busy man and don’t usually have much time to pay attention to such trivial things”

 

With a smirk on her face, she picked herself up off the couch before performing a ridiculously over the top curtsy in front of him and proceded to walk out of the common room.

 

James knew one thing for a fact: Lily Evans was _amazing_.

 

 

 

**_____________**

**Not my finest hour. Speech isn't really my thing, so i'm not really feeling this piece but I wanted to show some Lily & James banter. **

**Thankyou to the lovelies who have reviewed! you guys are the best!**


	5. only you cannot be replaced

_I don’t recognize anything that I see_

_Whose skin is this design_

_I don’t want this to be the way that you see me_

 

 

If you had asked Lily Evans to sum herself up in one word, she would tell you ‘ordinary’.

She was born into a relatively well off family to two doting parents, had an older sister called Petunia and a best friend named Alice.

Every little bit from the outside would point to her being a perfect little lady. She was well mannered, girly and dainty. She wore cashmere sweaters and angora knits under her Hogwarts robes along with her black leather Mary Janes and her school tie tied in a Windsor knot. When the weather was warmer she would wear silk dresses with candy coloured sandals.

But if you got to know her, you would that she had a terrible temper, that she hated going to class as much as the next person did, that she was terrible at waking up in the morning, terribly disorganized, perpetually late and absolutely tone deaf. You would know that she was quite the tom boy and had an extensive list of dirty boy habits such as scratching her bum in the morning and burping at the dinner table. Not to mention, she had a potty mouth that was foul enough to rival that of a sailor.

If you really knew her, you would have known that she wasn’t as tough as she made herself out to be. You would know that _Breakfast at Tiffanys_ was her favourite movie and that she was still just a little girl who believed in prince charming and fairytale endings.

Lily Evans had always been anything but ordinary. And that is why James Potter fell in love with her.

 

 

**________**

**i found this piece abnormally hard to write. I wanted to show a little depth into who Lily was and what her little traits were, but above all, I wanted to show that she was just a normal girl, who happened to have something James just saw in her.**

 


	6. words, hands, heart

_You’ve got a way with words._

_You’ve got a way that makes me feel so complicated._

 

 

Perhaps one of her most famous traits was her sense of humour.

Lily had a weird sense of humour. She told dirty jokes and spoke in riddles. She was the kind of girl that was not afraid to flirt shamelessly with another male for humour’s sake. She was snide but witty, sarcastic but playful.

And he understood this. Not only did he understand this, he too would reply with equal wit and sarcasm and in return Lily found it absolutely hilarious. She would never admit it to anyone, but she secretly loved that he was an ass whom she was perpetually almost always bickering with. She loved his stubbornness and respected his desire to win.

Lily Evans knew with absolute certainty that James Potter was her equal in every sense.

 

 

 

________

**We all know Lily was a smart girl, I can't help but feel that if she had really wanted to, she could have easily have ignored James, but we also know she chose otherwise :P  
**


	7. everything i am

_You don’t know what it feels like,_

_Meeting someone like you…_

 

 

James had known from a very young age that he was born to do great things.

 

Growing up, he was taught proper manners, taught how to do everything the right and proper way. At home he was an only child and the center of his parents’ universe. At school he was quidditch super-star and one quarter of good friends and pranksters who called themselves The Marauders.

 

He had a confident stroll; some may have even called it a strut. He was fearless wherever he went, confident and cocky. He was a smooth talker – a ladies man, prankster, loyal friend and an absolute fiend on the Quidditch field. Regardless of where he was, or whether you liked him or not, it was obvious he was something special. He was flawless; Hogwarts’ Golden Boy.

 

At least, that’s how it seemed from the outside.

 

Sometimes when he was alone, he could feel the pressure building. He knew he had large shoes to fill, that he had somehow been placed on an unwanted pedestal. It was usually these moments when he resented everything and everyone that had put him in this very spot. More than anything, he wanted to be ordinary.

 

Lily Evans did not place James on a pedestal. She did not worship the ground he walked on like so many other silly school girls. She saw him indifferently and he worked hard to earn her respect. This itself meant the world to him

 

**______________**

**this is sort of a companion piece to O _nly You Cannot Be Replaced_**

**I think James was the golden boy everyone thought he was, but he was too proud to admit he felt otherwise at times.**

**Comments & Reviews greatly appreciated :)**


	8. alice, tell me something true

_Lying is the most fun a girl can have,_

_Without taking her clothes off_

 

 

It had all started off as a bit of a joke really… 

Lily and Alice had been painting their toenails beside the fireplace when she couldn’t help but overhear the conversation going on between the four rowdy boys that had just stumbled into the room.

“Mate, tell him! She was flirting with me!” James exclaimed in an attempt to get Peter to confirm his side of the story. “Honestly James, you think everyone is flirting with you” Remus cried exasperatedly as he dropped himself on a couch in the far corner of the room.

It wasn’t until she heard Alice’s voice did Lily shake herself from her dream-like trance. “He does though, doesn’t he?” Alice giggled, half questioning, half stating matter-of-factly as she nudged Lily. Shocked that she wasn’t the only one who had been eavesdropping, Lily only managed to nod dumbly just as Samantha Caldwell sauntered past. “Honestly, I don’t know who the hell that girl thinks she’s impressing with that munted walk of hers” Alice frowned as she dipped her brush into the little bottle of fire-engine red polish. 

“You know, if Potter had seen it he would be preaching to the world how she was flirting with him!” Lily laughed, wriggling her toes free of their dividers. The two girls began to pack up in silence when Lily suddenly stopped, her emerald eyes shining in mirth. “How hilarious would it be, if _we_ started to flirt with him. He would have absolutely no idea what to do!”

Thirty minutes later two girls sauntered past James Potter on their way up to their dormitory. Lily was even bold enough to throw in a wink as she purred "I love a man in uniform, James"  


 

  


**  
**


	9. there, there

_Just cause you feel it,_

_Doesn’t mean it’s there_

 

 

Frank Longbottom was like the older brother Lily never had.

He was a Ravenclaw prefect in the year above with whom Lily shared Tuesday night prefect patrols with. Over time Lily had grown quite fond of Frank’s wise words and opinions which was how he became Lily’s sounding board and confidant in things she’d never dare tell Alice.

Lily had been deep in thought when Frank’s voice had interrupted, “Tell me, Silly Lily, what’s on your mind?” Looking up, she only managed to smile before looking back down to admire her own footwork. “Come on Lils, I know you. Spit it out, which boy has you all broody?” Sighing she blew a wisp of red hair from her face contemplating whether or not she was ready to tell anyone about her new found epiphany.

“You can’t laugh when I tell you this” she stated as she looked Frank dead in the eye "And you can't tell anyone! Not even Alice."

“I promise”

As though she had admitted defeat, she sighed again before mumbling softly “I think I like Potter.”

Frank laughed softly, “There there, it wasn’t that bad now was it?”

 

 

________

**Yay! This is the first chapter where the song lyrics match the name!**

**I personally think Lily was a very proud person, which was why I had her admit to Frank and not Alice about her new found feelings.**


	10. lying is the most fun a girl can have

_I loved her so but I let her go_

_‘Cause I knew she'd never love me back_

 

 

There was no chance in hell James Potter would ever know what had just hit him.

If you had told him six months ago that Lily Evans would eventually be flirting with him, he would have scoffed and laughed in your face. Of course he had tried to gain her attention once or twice in the past, but it seemed pretty obvious after the lake incident in fifth year that she clearly just wasn’t interested. It had been a bit of a blow to his then fifteen year old ego, but James wasn’t stupid and could see when he was wasting his time.

Fast forward to present time; James was now into his sixth day of being subjected to Lily Evans, Flirt Extraordinaire. Initially it had seemed like a joke as both Lily and Alice had been cornering him and saying ridiculous things like “You looked so sexy up there on your broom” or in Lily's case, “I love it when your hair has that windswept look to it” since everyone knew Lily hated it when he ruffled his hair for particular said look.

By the third day Alice had reverted back to normal behavior, but Lily continued. She had toned down the ridiculous nature of her flirty comments and had dropped calling him James and had reverted to calling him Potter, but he was still somewhat confused by the underlying flirting tones she used with him in conversation.

It was no huge secret by now that since he had really gotten to know Lily he had developed quite a crush on her. Clearly someone must have said something to her and she was taking the mickey out of him. Something had to be done, and fast.

 

 

**________________**

**this is a companion piece to _Alice, tell me something true_... from Jame's POV**

**I wouldn't say James and Lily hated each other per se, and it was more likely they were just indifferent to each other before getting to know each other (in my mind, this just seems more realistic)**

**I will probably write one more piece for this to tie up loose ends :)**

**Also, as a side note, I feel I should also bring to attention as to what I am sort of attempting to get at through this series of writing; though they are drabbles, I have written them in sequential order and I want them to be able to be read as stand-alone pieces, but also viewed as one whole story once it is completed. I hope that makes sense to you.**

**Thank-you to everyone so far for your kind words :)**


	11. clean breaks

_I'll tell another lie for you_

_Tell you what you wanna hear,_

_but that don't make it true_

 

 

How could she be so foolish as to let it all get so out of hand.

 

“It was all just supposed to be a joke!” she cried stomping her foot childishly “We were just supposed to flirt with him and laugh at his ego, but now I’m just another one of those girls” she spat in disgust. She wanted to know so badly, when did the lines blur and the joke actually become reality? Sighing as though she were finally admitting defeat, she spoke again “I just never expected to get along so… _well_ with him.”

Frank looked at the small girl sympathetically. He could tell things had changed since he had last spoken to her. He had seen the way Lily and Alice had run of in peals of laughter after tormenting the boy initially, but he had also seen the way Lily was around him when the initial hilarity had died down. Unfortunately, he also knew the way Potter was around girls that liked him, and he wasn’t too sure if he wanted Lily subjected to that.

She huffed moodily as she gathered momentum again when Frank’s voice interrupted her train of thoughts, “Look Lils, I know this is probably not what you want to hear right now, but just remember how you get when you like a guy. You lose your normally level head. You only see what's good in them and the bad suddenly just doesn’t exist anymore! There was a reason why you never liked James Potter in that way in the first place.”

They continued down the halls in silence as Lily processed Frank’s words. It was true, she always knew that Potter was charming, but she also always knew that he just wasn’t boyfriend material. As they approached the Portrait of the Fat Lady, Lily turned to face Frank “I’m trying really hard not to like him, you know.”

Ruffling her hair lovingly, he pulled her into a brotherly hug “I know you are.”

Dismayed she had run out of time for the evening as they were now standing in front of the portrait, she tip-toed and kissed him on the cheek, “Thanks for listening tonight.”

"S'alright Lily. Anytime." Frank merely shrugged before stalking back down the hall to the Ravenclaw dormitories.

There was only one thought on Lily Evan's mind as she climbed through the portrait that evening. _IdonotlikePotter_. And she would continue to repeat that mantra in her mind until it stuck permanently.

 

 

**___________**

**companion piece to _there, there_. **

**I rewrote this piece after some thought as I wasn't too sure how the older piece was moving forward as a whole, plus this also tidied up loose ends a lot better.**

 

**feedback muchly appreciated :)**

 


	12. but it's better if you do

_Well, I'm afraid that I_

_Well, that's right, well, I may have faked it_

_And I wouldn't be caught dead in this place_

 

In fifth year, Sirius and Lily had been Herbology partners for a grand total of three weeks.

Not many people would care to remember as it hadn't been very long lived, but they had gotten on like a house on fire. Then, the stupid lake incident occurred and Lily never looked at him in the same way again until recently when she and Potter had by some twist of fate become ‘friends’ or whatever they were.

So she was somewhat shocked to say the least when Black had decided to sit next to her in Potions today as opposed to his little gang of trouble-making friends.

“Lily-Flower!” his voice boomed across the room as he made his way to her desk. “from this day forth, you and I will resume that quaint little friendship we once shared!” he declared proudly before grabbing her into a suffocating bear hug.

Before she could say anything, they were silenced by Professor Slughorn’s voice ordering them to take a seat. Suspicious at Sirius' behavior, she leaned over and hissed in his ear "Sirius Black! What on earth are you up to?"

Seeing that he had absolutely no intent to answer her question, she looked down to see him intently scribbling away at a piece of parchment which he then silently slid across the table to her.

 

 

_Lily dear,_

_Don't you know it's rude to talk in class! And since we are on the subject,_ _Why can you not just admit there is sexual tension between you and Prongsie?_

_Everyone knows that you two are in lurrrrrve_

 

 

Reading the note, her face turned red in alarm. Grabbing her quill she quickly scrawled a reply

 

 

_What on earth are you on about!!!_

_I THINK NOT MR BLACK._

 

By the end of the lesson, Lily left the room in a huff with a stack of parchment filled not with notes, but the ongoing debate she and Sirius had upheld all lesson. Sirius on the other hand could be seen intercepting his best friend with one certainty on his mind,

“Mate, she is most definitely, _absolutely_ , taking the mickey out of you."

 

 

___________

**So this ties up the _Alice, tell me something true..._ series.**


	13. the minnow & the trout

_Please, I know that we're different_

_But we were one cell in the sea_

_In the beginning_

 

 

Alice had always known Lily enjoyed her patrols with Frank.

But she had found it strangely odd how Lily had been spending so much time with him outside of prefect duties as of late. She had often caught them hugging, and sometimes even sharing a brief peck on the cheek as Frank dropped Lily off at the Gryffindor common room entrance on days that weren’t patrol nights.

Lily had just climbed through the door to what she assumed was an empty common room when she heard a voice speak, “Lily, is there something going on between you and Frank?”

Looking around the room in shock, she could see Alice curled up in an arm chair by the fireplace, alone and reading a book. It’d be a lie to say she wasn’t somewhat miffed by this accusation. “Al, you scared me! What are you doing, keeping tabs on me?”

“Lily, don’t be stupid. Don’t think I haven’t seen what you two have been up to lately! This is just _sooooo_ you. You always just do _this_!” Alice cried frantically waving her arms in exaggerated gestures. “You prance around the boys, acting like you’re _such_ a saint! And the ridiculous thing is, they all fall for it! You’re stupid act! They all fall _ridiculously_ in love with you” she yelled with more vigor before continuing –

“... You know I like Fran-“ but before Alice could finish the sentence, the only thing she could hear ringing through her ears was the echoing of Lily’s shrill voice

“I LIKE POTTER OKAY?”

 

 

______________

**what's a friendship without a little drama every now and then? ;)**

**It was always implied that Lily was quite a 'catch' among the boys, I don't think she was much of a man eater or serial dater, more that she wasn't aware of her own charm which was what made her so endearing. This was more Alice ranting and raving because she was upset thinking she had lost her boy to Lily**

**pls review, they make me happy :D  
**

 

 


	14. the ice is getting thinner

_We're not the same, dear, as we used to be_

_The seasons have changed and so have we_

 

 

 

She found him sitting on his favourite armchair reading while carelessly playing with his snitch.

Six months ago she would have scoffed at the sight of this, but now it was perhaps one of the most endearing things she had ever seen.  Sitting on the armrest of the seat she leaned over to see what he was reading while blowing lightly on his ear.

“Wotcher up to Evans?” He asked unfazed, eyes never straying away from his book.

Figuring it was now or never, she made light of the situation “Just seeing if you were free this Hogsmeade weekend. You know… you, me, quality time, lunch.”

By this point she could feel her heart thumping in her ribcage. Every little note, every little bat of an eyelash, every little moment they had shared had led her to this point. She could feel her cheeks flushing, nervous but almost certain that his answer would definitely be yes. They had come this far, this had to be the final stepping stone. Right?

Without looking at her once, he stood up “Nice try Evans, but the flirting is getting a little old now. I know about your silly little joke with Alice.”

Tucking his snitch into his pocket, he ruffled her hair before striding across the room and out the portrait.

 

 

_____________________

 


	15. almost lover

_My friends said you would play me_

_But I just said they're crazy_

 

 

 

Lily loved Hogsmeade weekends. 

 

She had never missed a single one except for the one time in fourth year when she had come down with the Wizard Mumps and had ended up bedridden for a whole week.  

But there was always a first time for everything… Not wanting to interrupt Alice’s first date with Frank and with Marlene sick with the flu, Lily hadn’t wanted to go with anyone else and had instead decided to stay back and catch up on her Arithmancy homework.

So it was quite a foreign feeling for her to be sitting in the Great Hall as she watched the student body slowly trickle in for dinner. And that was when she saw _it_. Potter in all his glory strutting down the aisle hand in hand with some stupid Hufflepuff wench.

Feeling the tears stinging the back of her eyes, reality finally hit. James Potter had never actually liked her in _that_ way all along.

 

 

 

___________

**thankyou all the lovelies who reviewed on the last update! i've replied to all your comments. you guys are the best! :)**   



	16. first impressions

_How I wish you could see the potential_

_The potential of you and me_

_It's like a book elegantly bound_

_But in a language you can't read just yet_

 

 

He reminded her a lot of Mr. Darcy

Lily had been reading Pride and Prejudice with what appeared to be a sleeping Alice by her side when she had heard giggling and screaming coming from across the lake. Ever since that fateful Hogsmeade weekend, James and Olivia had officially become Hogwarts’ golden couple.

As Lily watched them frolicking on the other side of the lake in all their golden glory, she thought about how much James had reminded her of Mr. Darcy. He had been a bit of a prick, but over time he had also proved himself to be a great man. She could have almost been Elizabeth too, except instead of proclaiming his love to her, he had decided to run off with Olivia Goldsmithe instead.

“Lily, why don’t you just tell him you weren’t joking about the date to Hogsmeade?” Alice mumbled, her eyes still closed.

But before Lily could even reply, Alice spoke up once again. “Just because my eyes have been closed, doesn’t mean I don’t know you’ve been staring. I haven’t heard you turn a page in over an hour!”

Placing the book down beside her, she smiled at her friend “He would have made a great Mr. Darcy, don’t you think?”

“Mr. Who?!” Batting open her eyes, Alice raised her hand to shield her eyes from the sun as she looked up at her friend for an answer. But it was too late; Lily was once again staring across the lake deep in thought.

 

 

_____________

**Just finished watching P &P and got inspired :)**


	17. trouble sleeping

_I'm having trouble breathing_

_You're sitting on my chest_

_I sure could use the rest_

_Leave me_

 

 

He and Olivia had officially been dating for six weeks and two days.

Initially he hadn’t expected much more than a brief fling, but as time progressed he come to discover that she was not only beautiful, but smart, compassionate and witty. Not to mention, she was a great shag in bed. He loved everything about her. She was perfect.  _They_ were perfect.

But with what was seemingly becoming a regular occurrence, James had found himself lying awake, deep in thought as he stared at the canopy above him. He couldn’t help but feel that something was missing. There was a void inside of him – but like every other sleepless night before this, he could never manage to work out what it was.

To make matters worse, it had come to his attention that Lily had now taken to avoiding him. That is, unless she had joined a cult of some sort, considering he hardly ever saw her out of class these days. He hated to admit it, but he missed her. He missed her dirty habits. He missed making fun of her and their bantering. She had come into his life like a breath of fresh air, and now that she was gone, he couldn’t help but feel like she had taken a part of him with her.

And for the first time it dawned on him, maybe he had been looking for answers in all the wrong places. Perhaps Lily was the reason behind this void he’d been feeling all along…

 

 

 

_______

**ahhh revelations.**

**not too pleased with how this piece turned out, but i found it ridiculously hard to write...**

**thank-you lovelies for your feedback!  
**


	18. this girl's in love

_dont tell the world what we've known,_

_we've come so far, but theres still a way to go_

 

 

 

She had been thoroughly engrossed in the book she was reading when a voice spoke up –

“Mind if I join you?”

Looking up, she saw the thin frame of Remus illuminated by the glowing embers from the fire behind him. Smiling, she dog-eared the page she was on before placing the book in her lap as a sign of acceptance on her behalf.

Feeling her weight shift as he settled himself on the opposite end of the couch, she offered him half her blanket before both parties lapsed into a comfortable silence as they watched the flames dancing in the fireplace. It wasn’t until a while later did Lily start to wriggle around in an attempt to find a more comfortable position when Remus finally spoke,

“Lily, are you avoiding us?”

Stopping all signs of movement, she peered at the boy sheepishly over the mound the blanket had created between them when he spoke up again,

“We haven’t done something to annoy you, have we?”

Shaking her head, she began to pat softly at the mound the quilt had created as they lapsed into another silence when Remus stood up and began to make his way to the dormitory stairs. Frantic she may have potentially upset him, Lily stood up and yelled across the room – “You guys haven’t done anything wrong… It’s just Potter and Olivia… And..” feeling her cheeks dampen, Lily began to wipe at them furiously. She had finally broken, and it _had_ to have happened in front of one of Potter’s friends no less.

“Why am I crying Remus? Why is it suddenly all so hard?” sobbing, she was unable to make her tears stop when a warm arm wrapped around her.

Sitting her down, Remus soothingly whispered in her ear, “Hey, it’ll be okay. I won’t tell James… I promise.”

 

 

___________

**this will have a companion piece coming soon.**

**thankyou for all the reviews! I will get to replying to you all very soon:)  
**


	19. this boy's in love

_it's dark there's no need for light_  
when the fire in his eyes are so bright  
this boy's in love 

 

James Potter had always lived a semi-charmed kind of life.

He had never really been one of _those_ kinds of people - the kind that go out and _make_ things happen for them. He knew he was a gifted child, he could have been the best really... but where would all the fun and excitement be in that?

Instead, he stumbled along in life in his own merry way as good things fell in his lap...

Good things like his friends, his talent for Quidditch, and even Olivia for that matter. He had never really actively _sought_ these things, but at the end of the day he was always grateful with what he had been bestowed, that was until now...

Olivia had been great, some may have even gone as far as saying that she was the one who had finally managed to tame him. But truth be told, he was bored. Perfect was good for a while but it wasn't really what he was after, nor was it going to fill the void that was growing in him with each passing day.

And so, just like that, it ended as abruptly as it began. 

That evening as he climbed through the portrait, he saw the very image of imperfection; Lily Evans fast asleep on the shoulder of one of his best mates, Remus Lupin.

It had never become as clear as it did in that very moment, Lily was never a part of his charmed life, and now it seemed she would never ever would be either. 

 

****  
\---------------  
greetings from the dead! don't worry, i haven't abandoned ship! i am only without laptop :'(

so this was the companion piece i promised. apologies it took so long. i ended up having to write it up on my ipod & sidekick. hopefully you can look past any general errors (editing becomes a bit tedious, trust me..)

feedback muchly appreciated and loved! i proooomise i will get to replying to all your comments sooooon!  



	20. heart's a mess

_Your heart's a mess_  
You won't admit to it  
It makes no sense,  
But I'm desperate to connect

Gossip travels fast. Gossip involving James Potter even faster.

To say she hadn't heard the murmurs would be a complete and utter lie. To say she wasn't somewhat elated would be a lie too. 

By the time she arrived in The Great Hall for breakfast, she had heard the story enough times for her mind to have gone through the motions.

Even _she_ had to admit, everything about them had been bloody perfect. Olivia would have been Bonnie for him if he had chosen a life in crime for fricks sake!

Word on the street was he had shown up at her dorm room door, asked to speak to her and it was all over in under twenty-six seconds flat. He had broken her heart as effortlessly as he stole it. 

To think! That could have been her! The only difference was Olivia would very soon have another hoarde of boys fighting to feed out of the palm of her hand, whereas Lily was quite sure she'd end up dying old and alone broken-hearted. 

Being muggleborn, she had yet to pick up most of the bizzare forms of Wizardry punishment, but right at this moment she was quite sure Crazy Spinster Cat Lady was one of them. Death by humiliation. She could see it now... How on Earth could she have almost let herself end up in such a predicament?

Hundreds of phrases echoed through her mind; _you and Prongsie are in luuurve, I would never dare to steal you from James! Why can't you just admit you have the hots for him..._

She was only shaken from her reverie when she heard an all too familiar voice.

"No comment. All I can say is, we ask & appreciate your respect at this difficult time. James is unfortunately not available for comment thank-you"

Turning, she saw him smiling a ridiculous Cheshire Cat grin

Sirius effing Black.

**\---------- Seems we will be with only ipod & sidekick for a while :( however i am now writing on my trips home from work, so hopefully updates will be sooner now! Feedback always greatly loved. **


	21. heartbeats, pitterpat

_To call for hands of above_  
To lean on,  
Wouldn't be good enough  
For me, no 

 

He had spent the greater part of the last hour watching her.

She had been seated in the far corner curled up with a blanket, occasionally tracing the trails of raindrops racing down the window with her fingertips. With Alice not around, he decided now would be the ideal time to approach her as he strode across the room with wide footsteps.

"Evans."

Showing no sign of hearing him as she continued to sit motionlessly facing the window, he took a step closer and leaned forward, breathing warm air onto the glass as he watched it fog up before pulling a hand out of his pocket and drawing what seemed to be a stick figure dog with his finger. 

Taking a step back to admire his work, satisfied he then took a seat beside her before helping himself to some of her blanket as they lapsed into a comfortable silence watching his drawing slowly fade away when she finally spoke - "Why are you here?"

Shrugging his shoulders, he continued to gaze out the window when he turned to look at her, "You don't um.. like Remus in _that_ way. Do you?"

Whipping around, she looked at him in mortification "God no! What I mean is... no offence. I know he's one of your best mates.. and, well, No. No I don't."

"No. That's good. Really swell."

Lapsing into another silence he watched as she returned her attention to the falling rain, all the while twidling her thumbs nervously.

"He misses you, you know that right?"

Getting out of her seat, she clasped his hand, speaking to him softly as though he were a child, "Sirius, I'm not Olivia."

Looking into her sad, tired eyes- he finally understood. "But Olivia isn't you..." the words died on his lips as he realised it was too late for she was already gone.

 

**\---------------**  
apologies for the delay! I must have re-written this chapter a million times and i must say, I'm still not feeling 100% about it.

Feedback always adored!


	22. the world spins madly on

_Fools in love_  
Are there any other kinds of lovers?  
Fools in love  
Is there any other kind of pain?

 

She had spent the greater part of the day putting the finishing touches on The Great Hall.

 

Lily had been knee deep in planning and preparation for the past month in anticipation of the Halloween Ball which was to occur tonight. With less than half an hour before the hall would slowly begin to fill up with students in costume, she took a final look at her handiwork before racing up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room. 

 

Arriving to an empty dorm, she began to get ready on her own concluding that Alice and Marlene must have had already left with their dates. At half eight, in true Lily fashion she was still not ready. Cursing as she got on her hands and knees, she began rummaging on the floor in a desperate attempt to find her missing left shoe before the night was over.

 

By the time she arrived at the entrance of The Great Hall, she was officially forty-five minutes late. The upbeat music that had been throbbing through the halls had now traded places with a slower paced song as she scanned the room of costumed teens in a futile attempt to find her friends. 

 

That was when she saw _him_. 

 

It had been two months since he and Olivia had broken up, and four months since she had last spoken to him. Every now and then Sirius would bring up how much he missed her, but every time pride would get the better of her before anything could be fixed.

 

There he was, she could recognise that mop of hair anywhere. Eyes closed, grinning like the cat who had gotten the cream, he was whispering into the ear of some brunette as they slowly swayed in time to the music.

 

She had no idea how long she had stayed in her trance-like state, image burning into her mind when she saw him open his eyes, all colour draining from his face.

 

Shit.Fuck.Shit. He had seen her staring and was now pushing his way through the crowd towards her.

 

And that, that was when she ran.

 

**\---------------  
until next time kiddies! Promise i will try and get around to replying to all of you sooooooon!**


	23. my mistakes were made for you

_About as subtle as an earthquake, I know,_  
My mistakes were made for you  
And in the backroom of a bad dream she came  
And whisked me away, enthused 

 

 

He chould have chased after her, but he didn't.

Up until mere moments ago he was almost absolutely certain that Lily had absolutely no interest in him. Remus had remained tight lipped about the entire ordeal since he was caught asleep in the common room with Lily, and for the first time ever, no amount of begging, blackmail or bribery could get Sirius or Peter involved.

Fact is, he could have chased her, he could have 'seized the moment', played Prince Charming. He could have justified himself, sung her praise. But he knew if he wanted Lily to be his, it would have had to have been on her own terms, not because he fed her a whole load of bull at her most vulnerable time. 

Lily wasn't just another girl, he wanted her respect - for them to be equals. He didn't want her looking back _x_ weeks from now in regret, resenting him for taking advantage of her. What he wanted with Lily was something _real._

He _should_ have chased her... but he didn't. Truth of the matter is, he made her cry, and he couldn't bear to see it.

 

**\--------------  
ha! gotcha! I bet you all thought he'd chase... **

**As a footnote, it's World Youth Week where I hail from, trains are packed after work, so it's unfortunately quite difficult for me to write. Apologies for any upcoming delays :(**


	24. honey and the moon

_Don't know why I'm still afraid_

_If you weren't real I would make you up, now_

_I wish that I could follow through  
_

_I know that your love is true  
_

_And deep, as the sea_

 

 

 

He never ceased to amaze her, perhaps that was why she was so drawn to him.

The Halloween ball had come and gone, life at Hogwarts had returned to normal. Initially, she had expected for him show up the morning after - hand in hand with the brunette from the ball. To her surprise, and to his credit - the only 'brunette' he managed to show up with was Peter.

As the days progressed, she watched him in secret as he made his way around the school. Sometimes he would catch her and smile back, but most of the time he was back to being him. It was like she nor Olivia had ever existed. She hated to admit it, but she was jealous - how could he be _so... carefree_?

The days turned into weeks, and slowly the smiles he gave her evolved into smiles with a wave. Once he had even been game enough to sit opposite her at breakfast. Too bad he didn't say anything, she probably would have forgiven him right then and there.

 

 

 

 

**\--------------**

**thank-you lovelies for all your previous reviews, I have now replied to all of them. regular reviewers, i have consolidated most replies into one. apologies if i have accidentally missed you!**


	25. hope for the hopeless

_now it's like a fairy tale without a happy ending  
_

_but then again maybe we are just pretending  
_

_why does it have to be so unfair?  
_

_tell me that you care._

 

 

   
 

Her mind was wandering.

Stiffling a yawn, she watched as the professor drew complex diagrams on the board when James came tumbling through the door.

"How lovely of you to join us Mr Potter"

Lily watched as he began to edge his way to his usual seat beside Remus when the Professor spoke again - "Don't you dare interrupt this class any further. I'm sure Mr. Lupin can fare well without you for one day. Hurry up and take a seat!"

Giggling with the rest of the class, the laughter died on Lily's lips when she realised where James had conveniently decided to take refuge - right next to her. Opting to ignore him, she turned her attention to the front of the room as she began to copy notes with a new found fever.

They never spoke for the entire lesson.

That night as Lily took her textbook out of her bag, she noticed a stray piece of parchment bookmarked between the pages. Tugging at the crisp sheet, she freed it from the book’s confines as she recognised the familiar handwriting on it

 

 

_Lily-lumpkins,_

_You look tired. I hope you’re taking care of yourself. Don’t die on me_

_-J_

 

 

Folding up the sheet, she tucked it back between the pages of her textbook. Perhaps today was the day to finally forgive that stupid git.

 

 

**\------**

**Hello! Apologies for the delay. I got hit with the flu and unfortunately it's taken me a while to get back into the swing of writing again. Hopefully i will pick up pace again soon.**

**Thanks to everyone for your support & patience! :)**   



	26. thousand mile wish

_Cause laughing lovers can overcome their closest demons_

_And they’ll go on and they won’t let go  
_

_They saw something that they know  
_

_Has never come so close  
_

_Can it stay here for us, for now?_

 

 

 

He was kicking himself.

What.on.Earth. had he done? Putting a note in Evans’ book? Come on! What the hell had come over him. Seriously.  He had stayed up all night replaying the moment he slipped the note in her book again and again, each time mentally kicking himself harder.  At one stage he had even contemplated summoning the note – but what would he have said? _Accio, Letter of Doom!_  By the time dawn broke, he had accepted that she would have more than likely have read the damn thing and he may as well have served himself on a bloody platter.

He wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow him whole right then and there. This by far had to go down in the books as one of _the most_ excruciatingly painful breakfasts in his life.  Twenty to nine, she’d be down at any minute now. Groaning, he palmed his face as he looked at his uneaten bagel. When the hell did he become such a drama queen. Sighing in defeat, he closed his eyes as he lowered his head onto the table when he heard her voice, 

“Are you going to have that blueberry bagel? I never get here early enough for them…”

He was spared! Afraid to open his eyes, he blindly felt around – no horns, no tentacles, no extra head. He _felt_ fine, he _seemed_ fine – or perhaps she hadn’t seen him yet. Deciding to locate her whereabouts, he opened his eyes to be greeted by a pair of curious emerald ones.

 “James, why are you feeling yourself?”

Oh.My.God! He must be dead. That had to be it. The little minx must have hexed him to doom from across the hall in silence!  Crossing her arms, she raised her eyebrow at him as she began to tap her foot impatiently. 

“James, are you okay?”

“You… You’re talking to me? Shouldn’t you be hexing me to hell and… wait, did you read the note?”

Taking a seat beside him, she began to help herself to half his bagel as he continued to gawk at her, confused.

“Mmhmm. It was really cute.” Taking another bite from her half of the bagel, she pushed back his plate grinning, “Here, I saved the other half for you.”

James Potter was definitely one hundred and one percent alive and just like that Lily Evans had returned into his life.

 

 

\------------

**:) :) :) let the fun begin! i'm excited now! lily & james, they're on!**

**i feel like i've finally written myself out of this deep deep ditch i wrote myself in.**

**feedback always adored.**   


 


	27. nothing like you and i

_As our hearts started beating faster_

_I recalled your laughter from long ago  
_

_There’s nothing like you and I_

 

 

 

 

They say there’s a thin line between love and hate.

It was hard to imagine that less than two weeks ago they weren’t even on speaking terms by the way they had been carrying on. Now a permanent fixture in his life again, he often wondered how he had ever lived without her. It wasn’t as though he _needed_ her but more the way he felt whenever she was around. She made him want to be a better person – a person worthy of her attention.

His train of thought was interrupted when he felt a shift in weight on the couch as the small girl sat down and rested her feet on his lap as she opened her novel and began to read. Enjoying the moment for a while longer, he eventually pat her leg to gain her attention.

“Hey, I’m really glad we’re friends again..”

Looking up she nodded at him smiling, “me too.”

 

 

 

**________**

**hello hello! probably only a few more drabbles to go before i end this piece.**

**thankyou so far for the support and patience! feedback always adored.**


	28. let me be your crystal baller

_Can we talk about tomorrow and the promise that it brings_

_I want to be your Crystal Baller, I want to show everything_

It wasn’t as though he needed to protect or guide her;

He knew perfectly well that she was capable of looking after herself. He knew that she didn’t _need_ him in the same way he didn’t need her – at least that’s the story he kept telling himself. But there was a part of him that wanted so badly to be the one to show her everything, to share every moment. He wanted to be the one who was always there when her eyes sparked up in wonder, when her face flushed with anger during one of their arguments or when she secretly smiled at something dirty that only her gutter mind could think of – he didn’t want to miss a single moment.

 

She had stumbled down the stairs to find him sitting deep in thought, carelessly rolling his snitch to and fro between his slender fingers. Perching herself on the arm of the chair she whispered in his ear, “Hey, let’s go for a swim in the lake now” before running towards the portrait in peals of laughter as he got up to chase her.

Pushing open the large oak doors as they ran into the crisp winter night, he caught the glint of mischief in her eyes.

He wanted her by his side, always.

**\---------**

**almost there!**

**promise promise promise i will get around to replying to all the lovely comments soon!**


	29. sometimes, she's so far in

_she can never walk a straight line  
_

_except sometimes in the morning  
_

_she wants to race herself against time  
_

_but i think that time's gonna win_

 

 

 

 

It wasn’t that she wasn’t a free spirit.

Perhaps she was too much of one which was how she became the way she was. From a young age she knew that she was different. Growing up, she had gambled with Lady Luck more times than some would in their entire lifetime. Remembering the time she was seven and none the wiser, she had jumped out of their third story window proclaiming to Petty that she was a bird only to realise near metres to the ground that she could not in fact fly. By some freak chance, she not only survived the fall, she walked away without a scratch in sight.

Perhaps the moment that really changed everything was when Sev had told her she was special – that she was one of _them_. She became fearless, reckless even. It wasn’t until she got accepted to Hogwarts did she fully understand how and why this was all occurring. She wasn’t Wonder Woman, wasn’t invincible. She was the cat who had already foolishly gambled away at least six if not more of her nine lives by age eleven.

To add insult to injury, her sister abandoned her the moment she knew they would never be equals. It wasn’t okay, but she still had Sev, and that was enough for her to keep her innocence. The moment he called her a mudblood in fifth year, she grew up.

Cue the friendship of James a year later… Whenever she was with him, she felt pre-eleven again. Neither reckless nor guarded, but free. The moments she spent with him were the moments when she truly felt alive. She knew she could trust him with her life; they had come so far from when they had first begun, she knew he would never leave her. She was safe.

Placing her feet on his lap, she opened her book – the paragraphs of words and letters a blur as she continued to mull over things when her thoughts were interrupted as she felt him pat her leg signaling for her attention.

“Hey, I’m really glad we’re friends again.”

Thinking how much she wanted to stay in this moment forever, she looked up and smiled at him.

“Me too..”

 

 

\--------------

**OK, i have a fair bit to say today.**

**First things first, I feel the need to explain this chapter and show a certain side to Lily... _I_ personally feel, that James and Lily had to balance each other out - in spending time together she taught him how to grow, and he sort of breathed life into her one way or another by bringing back the freedom of her youth.**

**next thing, i'm pretty prepared to end it at the next chapter, i've got it all planned out in my head, but i recently have been watching a bunch of dvds like the notebook (bless that movie!) and have been hit(!) by tonnes of inspiration for more chapters, so i'm a bit not sure about where to go - should i end this with a bang? or write more. I'm just worried about this becoming something that just drags on for far too long, so please please please, let me know how we are all feeling about this.**

**last but not least, I have finally replied to all your comments yay! i consolidated some of them into one. apologies if i missed out on replying to some of you. i don't tend to reply in order *blush*  
 **


	30. song for a sleeping girl

_And when I look at her, and her sleeping face_

_Her foot resting in mine and then I know my place  
_

_This is a song for a silent sleeping girl  
_

_She wants nothing but to wake and find you there_

 

The initial plan had been to stay back for Christmas all together. 

They had all eagerly scrawled their names on the list the moment it appeared in The Great Hall, but of course as luck would have it – things never really go the way you plan. It didn’t matter much anymore as to how or why it had all happened, bottom line was Lily and James were the only two out of the group that had ended up staying back thus explaining Lily’s current predicament.

Groping her way through the dark room, she cursed as she stepped on something small and hard that one of the boys must have discarded from their trunks last minute when she heard a muffled voice from across the room, “Lily, is that you? What’s the matter? Is everything okay?”

Groaning in protest to the throbbing pain shooting through her foot, she hobbled the rest of the distance before arriving at the foot of his bed. Guilty for having woken up the poor boy, she hesitated for a moment before crawling under the blanket beside him.

“I hate sleeping alone.”

 

 

**\---------**

**apologies for the delay. i was trying to figure out which direction i wanted to take, and then draw out the guidelines for the chapters. yes chapters! incase you haven't already guessed, this is not the last - so i will be seeing you all soon! :)**


	31. moments rewound

_when you're not breathing_

_I beg for one more breath with you  
_

_when you're silent, I hang on to every word  
_

_and there are no regrets with this love_

 

 

She spent most nights in his bed.

They’d stay up all night talking about absolutely everything to do with nothing and fall asleep to the sounds of steady heartbeats and slow breathing.

One night he had been particularly restless and she had told him the muggle story of Peter Pan in an attempt to lull him to sleep. Just like The Lost Boys, he grew an attachment to Wendy and had taken to calling her his own Wendybird.

 

_Goodnight, Wendybird..._

 

She’d scowl her face in an act of annoyance, but she knew the reality of it all was further from the truth – this was probably the closest she would ever come to being called his.

 


	32. some mad hope

_i remember honey lips and words so true_

_i remember nonstop earthquake dreams of you_

_coming on a fast like good dreams do, all night long_

 

 

 

 

She was drunk.

Correction, they were drunk. She couldn’t remember exactly _how_ they had gotten so drunk. All that she could remember was dancing and spinning around in his arms. Spinning – her head was spinning as she watched him make his way towards her clumsily all the while wailing his newfound pet name for her

“Weeeendybiiiiiiird!” he slurred in glee as he flopped on the bed beside her. 

Throbbing  – her head was throbbing now as she watched his hazel eyes slowly come into focus. He was so close she could feel the warmth of his breath tickling at the nape of her neck. 

“Wendybird,” he whispered, tucking aside a stray strand of hair behind her ear as he leaned closer towards her, “one day, I’m going to marry you.”

Pounding – the sound of her heart pounding was the last thing she could remember as his lips covered hers.

 


	33. this love

_i can see it in your eyes  
_

_taste it in our first kiss  
_

_stranger in this lonley town  
_

_save me from my emptiness_

 

 

 

Her head was throbbing.

Blinking slowly as her eyes adjusted to the light of the room, she untangled herself from the mess of limbs as she swung her legs over the edge of the bed when she felt a weight pull her back.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he breathed into her mess of curls.

Rolling over, she buried her face into the crook of his neck, breathing him in.

“I want to shower” she murmured softly into his ear as she crawled over him and dashed towards the door stopping briefly to yell behind her “and I’m going to get your present, so you better be in the common room by the time I’m ready!” before disappearing out the doorway.

Stopping herself once she knew she was out of view, she silently squealed in glee. It was _real_. It really happened. _This_ , it was really happening - and to top it off, it was Christmas Day! Doing a jig down the boys’ stairs, she raced up the flight leading towards the girls’ dorm two at a time.

Never mind the hangover she had right now, this was The.Best.Fucking.Christmas.Ever.


	34. nothing ever changes

_Say whatever you have to say, I'll stand by you._

_Do whatever you have to do, to get it out_

_And not become a reactionary to hurt the ones you love_

_You know you never meant to but you do_

 

 

 

 

He thought he had been dreaming again.

It wasn’t until after she had left his room did he pinch himself and realise that it wasn’t a dream but reality. He had really kissed Lily Evans – not only that, she had kissed him back. 

Padding out of the shower, he got dressed and made his way down the stairs to meet her in the common room when everything started to really sink in. Rounding the bend on the staircase, he could see her speaking kindly to a first year who had stayed behind for Christmas. Taking a step back as he continued to watch from the shadows, he paused momentarily to gain his thoughts.

For someone who was so sure of themselves all the time, he didn’t seem so sure anymore. He had pursued her relentlessly, and now something had finally happened he was shutting down. She was too nice, too kind, too good for him. He knew how he was, what he could be like – he knew being with him would destroy everything she had the potential to be. Taking a deep breath, he waltzed down the stairs as he braced himself for the impact.

 

He was going break his and her heart. 

 

 

 

**\----------**

**So, some of you may be wondering what happened to the previous version of this chapter that was up for all but 12 hours. The truth is, i agree with those who commented - It was poorly written (no excuses there) and completely not up to scratch. But in my defence, I had originally planned for this story to end a certain way - had it imagined it for a long long time. Then I ended up extending the story which in turn brought new turns I had not originally anticipated rendering the original ending idea completely irrelevant.**

**Hopefully this chapter is more up to scratch. Whether it was predictable or not - i put a lot of thought into it. Do not let what was previously up here 'imply' what will be happening. I have altered the ending somewhat to work with the new ideas I have been writing about & in turn, due to this change, I must regretfully inform you that this may possibly go on for longer than anticipated *hides***

**So this chapter is just about insecurities. We all have them don't blame the poor guy!**

**Last but not least, thank you a million times to all my readers and especially reviewers for sticking with me. I never ever dreamt of getting more than 10 reviews, let alone 100! you guys are the best :)**


	35. you know i'm no good

_I cheated myself,_

_Like I knew I would,_

_I told you I was trouble,_

_You know that I'm no good,_

 

 

 

He had never felt as helpless as he did right then in that very moment.

All he could hear was the piercing sound of white noise as he watched her tears rolling freely down her cheeks mingling with her mascara, etching complex vines and shadows a hundred different shades of black.

Getting up from his seat, he turned his back to her as he began to make his way back to his dorm when he heard a sob so soft that he almost missed it -

“Why isn’t love enough?”


	36. watching the ships roll in

_Still watching the ocean move,_

_If only I could show you my soul and places I’ve been._

_I got nothing to say, I got nothing to lay at your feet._

_I just keep hoping, hoping, you will be the man,_

_That I couldn't be._

 

 

 

 

The Christmas Holidays had come and gone.

No one really seemed to questioned what may have happened or asked why they were no longer on speaking terms. Perhaps they had already expected something like this to happen when they had packed their bags and left for Christmas.

Everything had slowly reverted back to normal as he threw himself into Head Boy duties, Quidditch practice and NEWT level revisions, but he couldn’t help but mull over the last thing she had said to him.

_Why isn’t love enough?_

Like a mantra, the sentence continued to repeat itself in his head over and over again as he lay there aware of the sleepless night that was to lie ahead. Opting to make use of his inability to sleep, he padded down to the Common Room in hopes of doing some reading when he saw her.

Tucked away in the corner, she was curled up under her blanket as she read the pages of her novel occasionally biting at the corner of her lower lip. He didn’t know what possessed him but he could feel his feet navigating him towards her from across the room. Everything just seemed so… _familiar_ , felt so second nature that he was unable to stop himself.

He was on auto-pilot.

As he sat down on the same couch, he lifted her feet up and placed them in his lap like he had done so many times in the past. No words were shared, but he could feel it in his soul – he was home.

 

 

 

\-------

**ok, so there have been some questions as to _why_ James left knowing Lily felt the same way for him - i had briefly touched on it in previously in my author's notes - that he had certain insecurities. I don't want to expand anymore on it again as I have intentions to explore the reasons behind it in a future chapter. **

**Now, I know some of you reading this chapter are going to be all WTF is he bi-polar?! I just want you to all remember that uncertainty and screwing things up in colossal ways are human nature. I've spent over 4 months and 30+ chapters developing these characters to be as 'realistic' as possible, if you were expecting me to have them hook up and be together forever, then i'm sorry you will be sorely disappointed.**

**Having said that, I will say thankyou to all my loyal readers who have stuck with me. I know I have taken you guys for a massive ride, but the ride will be over soon I promise!**


	37. do me a favour

_Still I need your sway, because you always pay for it  
_

_And I and I need your soul because your always soulful  
_

_And I and I need your heart, because your always in the right places  
_

 

 

 

 

 

"So... I guess you're okay with me again."

She hated herself in that very moment as she heard the words escape her traitorous mouth. For the greater part of the last two weeks, she had devoted a large portion of her waking hours conjuring what she liked to call The Master Plan.  Her plan that was _supposed_ to make him grovel and pay for what he did. Her ‘Master Plan’ to ignore the prick had shot straight to hell right in front of her very eyes and all she could do now was sit and stare at her feet in his lap with a newfound silence.

To say that she wasn’t still upset over the recent turn of events would be a complete and utter lie. She was well aware by now that he meant much more to her than she had anticipated. When it came to him, she was like a moth drawn to a flame. She knew very well that even if she forgave him this time, there was still every chance that she would get burnt again. It had become quite clear by this point in time that regardless as to whether it was just mere friendship or something more, she simply knew that she needed him in her life. 

As the minutes ticked on by, they continued to sit in silence until she eventually picked herself up off the couch and began to make her way back to her dorm. As she walked past him, she leant down pecking him lightly on the cheek before whispering softly in his ear, “It was just a kiss, James. It doesn’t have to mean anything – if you don’t want it to.”

 

 

  

**\---------**

**I wrote this piece to show how the dynamics between their relationship has changed since we first met them. She's not being weak or selling out, she's still Lily going after what she wants because she just _needs_ him in her life now. She's not the type of person to settle, but she is compromising and making the best of what seems to be a bad situation by settling for friendship to keep him by her side .**


	38. wait for the signal

__  
I'm not shy of a spark  


_The knife twists at the thought that I should fall short of the mark  
_

_Frightened by the bite no it's no harsher than the bark  
_

_A middle of adventure, such a perfect place to start_

 

 

 

It was just a kiss, It was just a kiss, It was just a kiss.

The words swirled around his head in a flurry as he tried to process everything that had just happened. He should have known not to be so naïve as to think she would forgive him just like that. But she had, hadn’t she? At least he assumed she had since they  now seemed to be on talking terms once again. Too bad it wasn't exactly in the way he wanted. 

No, it wasn’t just a kiss. He knew they both knew what it had really meant so why were they still running in circles around each other? They had now both successfully had a hand in destroying what may have been a chance at starting something twice now, perhaps now was the time to finally man up. 

Leaping off his seat he jumped over a stray ottoman as he ran to catch up with her. Grabbing her hand, he rasped breathlessly, 

“Stay.”


	39. a little bit in love with you

_Hands down_

_I’m too proud for love_

_But eyes shut it’s you I’m thinking of_

_But how we move from A to B_

_It can’t be up to me_

_Cause you don’t know_

 

 

 

 

 

This was not what he expected.

He hadn't expected for her to jump in joy, but as she turned to face him eyes filled with sadness, he felt his heart plummet towards the ground. He couldn’t understand – he made the move, the first _real_ step, yet for some reason they still seemed to be running in circles. 

Desperate to look away from the sadness he diverted his attention to where his hand was currently still clutching loosely at her limp one when he heard her breathe out a sigh, “Do you even… like me?”

Looking up to face her, he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck hesitating to reply as he chose his words carefully. “It’s not that… Look, I’m sorry… I never should have abandoned you, I knew I made the wrong decision the moment I walked up those stairs at Christmas.”

Pausing, he suddenly realised this was _it._ This was the absolute defining moment – his final chance before he would luck out once and for all. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes tightly as he heard the truth leave his mouth for the first time, “I’ve been trying to distract myself, pretending I don’t feel it. But I do. I’m scared. I’m scared you’ll see how I can be, how I _really_ am.”

Feeling the cool air brush his hand, he realised she had let go and was now speaking to him in a voice so soft, it was barely above a whisper.

“Don’t you see. I know exactly how you are like…”

 

 

\---------------

**James afraid of Lily realising who he really is... when really, she's known all along. She knows he's flawed but all this newfound insecurity is pissing her off because part of what makes him, _him_ is his confidence - hence the letting go. **

**hope that makes sense :)**

**feedback always adored**

 


	40. you are the price to my ballerina

_You're the warmth in my summer breeze  
_

_You're the ivory to my ebony keys  
_

_You would share your last jelly bean  
_

_You would somersault in sand with me_

 

 

There was only so much a heart could take.

For the first time in a long time in matters relating to James, her head had won over her heart. As her heart screamed for her to turn back – she continued to remind herself that this was for the best, that it was what needed to be done. 

The boy was a loose cannon. He clearly had absolutely no idea what he wanted and there was no way in hell she was going to let him string her along for God knew how long. He had built her up once before only to let her fall and if she had anything to do with it there was no way in hell she was going to let it happen – again.

As she took her first step up the stairs, the echo of her footstep was cut short by the sound of his voice, “Don’t go. Stay. I want you to let me be your boyfriend.”

Turning around slowly, she was greeted by the earnest look on his face. He had finally said what she had wanted to hear, the ball was now in her court – the entire fate of their relationship now rested in her hands. As the seconds ticked on by she felt the deafening silence engulf her as the ongoing battle between her heart and mind reignited at full force. Something was missing.

“Lily, I love you.”

Feeling her feet shuffle forward on their own accord, she tiptoed, closing the distance between them as she caught his lips with hers.

“I love you too. Always have, always will.”

 

 

 

Finis 

**\---------**

**Yay! the end the end! I hope it was everything you had hoped it would be. Thankyou everyone for all your AMAZING support.**

**This has been a crazy ride to say the least, I never ever expected to gain so much support - the ridiculous amount of reviews, the spotlight, EVERYTHING! part of me wishes it would never end, but this has been extended and re-extended again and again and it was time :(**

**thanks to everyone who left a review - and my regular reviewers whom I will miss the most. If you enjoyed this, I hope you will follow me on to my other current piece _sleeping with giants (lifetime)_ \- i'd love to continue hearing from you guys there :) **

**Thank you thank you thank you everyone :)  
**


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